Saturday, November 22, 2008

Ice, Ice, Baby

Box of Mike and Ike Ice
It's cold, maybe a little colder than it should be, but it was *shorts and thong weather a few weeks ago and could all melt tomorrow.
The point? Is there ever a point? I liked the look of the Mike and Ike Italian Ices on a frozen pond at the splash park. Frightening disgruntled geese and old people with fingers poised over quick-call buttons on flipped open Pantech Breezes was fun too. And who gave the geese cell phones.
The display at Walgreens claimed these Mike and Ikes were NEW though the summer fruit and Italian Ice on the box screamed summer—Walgreen's has a Spahn Ranch like hold on me so I bought them.
I was looking for Jolly Joe's, so didn't really care about the bland taste of the concentrated pear juice and carnauba wax of the lemonorangecherryblueraspberrywatermelon Italian Ice. The geese seemed overly curious.
The best part of a box of Mike and Ike Italian Ice candy is the warning in purple print on the back:
"To enjoy this Italian Ice, you do not need to freeze this product."
Too late.

Mike and Ike IceIf you close your eyes and pretend the tingling feeling in your extremities is the sun beating down on you rather than one of the first stages of frostbite, you can almost taste the lemonorangecherryblueraspberrywatermelon italian ice flavors.

Holiday Jujy box
The box of winter Jujyfruits fared much better than the Ikes on ice. They're just small jujyfruits shaped like teddy bears, snowmen, and Christmas trees.
I may have inadvertently eaten some photo shoot pieces realizing too late that a breakfast of spice encrusted salmon, half a banana, and pp (previsously posed) holiday Jujyfruits don't mix. But I'd do it again, because Jujyfruits are not only the perfect movie candy, but make you ask for more as they pull out fillings and gurgle your stomach. I can't believe I left them off the Gummi Food Pyramid, especially since I was eating them when I made it.
However, cute and inscrutable as these winter Jujys are, stick (ha) with the regular-sized Jujyfruits for full flavor and the perfect Jujy-sized candy.

Winter Jujyfruits
*It's always shorts and thong weather in a college town

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Boogie Nights

Why does this cow look so startled?

For the same reason this photo makes me think of latex gloves?
Here are the things I was going to write about:
•One of the three boxes of candy waiting for me to shoot then eat (all parts of a Jujy Fruit are edible)
Fresh Pear Frangipane
•Door County Cherry Almond tarts
Must hunt down burger and shake.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Tart Hunt

The French Country Apple Tart is an elusive pastry, here caught sunning near the south entrance to Govenor Nelson State Park near Lake Mendota.

Country Apple TartIf captured in the wild, be aware of its natural ability to slip between your teeth undetected, releasing a mildly tart apple taste as a defense mechanism.
This particular dessert was a bit soggy and dull despite an appealing presentation. Although pretty in its winter coat and rustic dessert cup, you're better off hunting one of the region's other tarts, season permitting.

Cranberry Walnut TartThe Cranberry Walnut Tart, for instance, makes a better impression as a holiday dessert, breakfast, or tea.
A hearty pastry, its nutty, buttery taste is held together by a heavenly crunch of sugar, walnuts, and crisp, sweetened cranberries. The Cranberry Walnut's endangered status is due to its chances (slim to none) of making the short trip from Madison to Milwaukee uneaten.
Another passeriforme, this species (tartus migratorius) is from the seasonal tart family, most commonly found in southern Wisconsin from mid-October through late December.
*IUFTD Red List:
Hubbard Avenue Pumpkin Pie - Endangered
Clasen's French Country Apple Tart - Least Concern
Clasen's Cranberry Walnut Tart - Critically Endangered
*International Union For Thanksgiving Dessert

Saturday, November 08, 2008


As part of a tribute to gluttony I'll be trying random pies and picking the best one for Thanksgiving. Although my sister will say bringing dessert is "Completely unnecessary we have far too many sweets in this house already and everyone is on a diet we all need to lose weight, blah, blah, SHUTUP, blah."
And if I don't bring anything my mother will search the house like a pig on a truffle hunt.
For your consideration:

Pumpkin pie Pumpkin Pie From the Hubbard Avenue Diner

Did you know they make Pumpkin Chocolate Chip pie in October?
This pie was purchased on a whim after tucking into a stack of questionable pancakes. By which I mean Buckwheat Zucchini German Potato and Onion with a side of sour cream and cranberry dressing.
Do not put syrup on that.
One thing I'll say about the Hubbard Avenue Diner, no matter what I'm compelled to order, they'll do a fine job of making it. The side water is delivered cold and quickly with plenty of ice in a clean red glass, and the tea water stays hot in the ceramic mug. Tell me what this hot water container is called and win a prize.

Tea water(Photo taken with my new (i.e. free) phone. Can you tell. I know you can.)
Back to pie. The crust is secondary, which is good, because it doesn't force me to eat filling only, treating ill conceived crusts like discarded mollusc shells.
Let's see a side view.

Pumpkin pie side viewThis is a substantial pie, smacking of something sweet, sticky, and savory. It didn't need that dollop of whipped cream, no it did not. See how thin the crust is? Not under or over baked, the crust was neither a detraction or distraction, rather the set up man to the filling's punchline.


On another front, the after Halloween please quit putting racks of this stuff in front of me front, here's one of my favorite packs of sale candy.

Halloween candyIt's called the Scare n' Share Mix and is a life threatening 24.17 ounces of sugar brought to you by The Hershey Company.
The Scary Sugar Coma Fun Pack contains Whoppers (note the 8% calcium), Reese's Whipps, Jolly Rancher Lollipops, Kit Kats, Resse's Peanut Butter Cups, and Hershey's Take 5 Bars.
I was surprisingly taken by the chocolate covered jumble of nuts, pretzels, caramel, and peanut butter of the Take 5, a concoction I swear I once fried on my dorm room burger maker in the seventies.
Finally, the winner of the Most Popular Costume poll is me. You bunch of leakers. But why even try when the answer has been and apparently will continue to be:
See, now, this is just fine.

Aaron RodgersDo you not love the devil woman (note the picture of her kid) eyeballing Aaron Rodgers. Check out that butt, girlfriend, and thank you for keeping your clothes on.
Now if A-Rodg showed up on game day dressed like that, I'd be a fan.
More Halloween photos are up here. I said Leftovers, okay. And there will be more. Yea. Maybe I'll be done by Thanksgiving.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Halloween: Time To Kill

Remember a few posts ago when I was all "Enough is never enough?"
Well I was downtown for hours, most of them spent waiting on my cousin to drag his sorry arse off the couch, out of the shower, and away from the mirror while I made friends with the indigenous peoples of State Street. Enough really is enough after all. Needless to say I had a lot of:

Time To KillHolding with that sentiment and without further ado, it's the
First Annual Parent's Night Freakfest Awards
with our hosts Jamie Lee Curtis and Matthew McConaughey.
Take it away Jamie.
Hello everybody, here we are in the lavish–arrgghh—eeeeekkkk— flumpp

Matthew McConaugheyWell alright, alright, alright, thank you for that chilling intro, Jamie Lee.
First I'd like to take my shirt off for the ladies (zip). Oh my goodness, I said "shirt," didn't I? My bad.
On to the awards. Is it truly chilly in here or are my butt cheeks tighter than usual. Check out those silky buns of steel, y'all.
How fitting that our first award of the evening is for:
Best Backstory
Pet Toy And the winner is...Discarded Pet Toy

Shirtless McConaugheyNot to worry, little guy, I was just kidding, I'm taking off my shirt (rip).
The next costume is based on one of the deepest movies of my generation. You know it, you love it, pass me a Zagnut, it's Beetlejuice.

Winner of A Movie Couple That Nobody Dresses Up Like Which Is Weird Because They Totally Should:

The Maitlands

Adam and BarbaraMaybe you should take that shirt off, Adam. Or is there room for just one set of bodacious ta-tas on this stage? What do you think, Jamie Lee?
And speaking of dark, have you heard the rumor I'm going to be the next Dark Knight, a rumor I started myself. Yes I did.

Best Dark Knight Costume Worn By A Slightly Inappropriate Person
Nurse HarveyNurse Harvey Dent (that's what his name tag says even though who could forget Heath Ledger's gams?)
The glasses, and I'm going out on a limb here, fake yellow teeth, are a nice touch, compadre.
This next recipient is on the right track, but needs a couple palm fronds and some serious thigh wax to kick it up a notch.

Best Baby With Hairy Legs
Still in diapersSome College Kid In A Diaper
It's time to insert what, Jamie Lee? I see darlin', well enjoy.

Alright, alright, alright, thank you crazy old street singer. Which leads me to my personal favorite:
Most Likely To Be Arrested.
That's not funny, compadre. Well, maybe it is, anyone care to partake? I'm talkin' about you part with your weed, and I take, son. Yeah.
The costume for Best Weed goes to:
WeedThe "I Only Burn On Weekends, Dude" Dude

Oh right, oh right, oh right. The award for:

Most Likely To Be Arrested
DroogGoes to the guy getting arrested, Alex From A Clockwork Orange

Honorary Most Likely To Be Arrested
BreathalyzerThe "Blow Me" Guy
Moving right along.

Best Costume Seen Through A Bar Window
Hockey Puck GuyThe Guy With The Hockey Puck Through His Head
Just two more to go, I promise. I'm standing on your what, Jamie Lee? Sorry darlin', we'll straighten that out later. This next one is a write-in from our blog host.

The Costume Most Likely To Be Worn By My Nephew, Andy
Condom dispenserCondom Dispenser
Very nice. And practical too. And our last award of the evening, one we can all relate to, the award for the....drum roll, please:

Best Job Of Standing Upright
DrunksA Couple of Drunks
That's it, drive safely, get some fresh air, and don't forget to vote.
How you doing, there, peaches—looking goood. You still dating the drummer from Spinal Tap?