Burn Down The Mission

I can't say why the candy filled Jesus egg from Bee International makes me laugh, but it does, more so than milk chocolate prayer hands, or Walking With Jesus gummy flip flops. When I found the edible pastel crosses inside I was in stitches.

Maybe it's like laughing in church even if it means you're going straight to hell with A-rod and Madonna. Most likely it has something to do with our second grade Bible, a horror show so graphic it would make Tarantino cringe.
I wonder if our teacher, an old-school penguin with steel knuckles and a knee length key chain laden with the scalps of second graders, would find the Jesus egg inspiring or offensive.
This is the nun who threw chalk and candy at us in tandem, making solving problems on the blackboard both delicious and confusing. She locked Miguel Marx in the trap door near the flag in the corner and told stories about errant altar boys and sacks of bloody hosts. She was like Stephen King with pronounced chin hair.

Would Jesus find Christian candy funny, or would he burn down the mission. I guess you can't go through that kind of shit without a sense of humor, but I've been afraid to eat the candy crosses until tonight, thinking how annoying an eternity with Madonna would be.
Some of the crosses are too hard and threaten to chip your teeth. They're too sweet, with a tart and sometimes "off" after taste (which in all fairness could have come from any number of places). Maybe they really all taste the same, but you know how colors can trick you.

There is a difference in texture from color to color and I think the blue tastes like berry.
There was a small cellophane wrapper on the outside of the egg saying it's distributed by Bee International, whose Web site will not come up. It also says "Recommended for Children 3 Years and Older."
No. Just, no. The crosses are tiny little choking hazards I wouldn't trust with well insured adult teeth.
I did find this gem which talks about Bee Inc.'s failure to comply with a small parts regulation in regards to other candy filled products.

If you must have a Jesus egg (or the one I found next to it with a flame shooting out of a dove's head), dump out the killer crosses and fill them with jelly beans.