Thursday, November 03, 2011

Halloween Leftovers



Out of ideas for leftover Halloween candy, might I suggest a maggot and tomato sandwich. Except for the gelatin, the It's Alive Creepy Crawly Sandwich with Marshmallow & Gummy Candy is vegan. So I guess it's not then.

It's a 4.9 oz grotesque gummy marshmallow sandwich made in China and distributed by Riviera Brands. The stomach churning behemoth comes in a half sandwich shaped plastic container, then another plastic wrapper which goes a long way to explain its outstanding taste, plastic. The wrappers are helpful because granulated sugar falls off the candy bread as soon as you open it.

The smell is not pleasant, like something approaching black licorice marinated in Vick's Formula 44.

It's hefty. The marshmallow sandwich has the opposite of an aftertaste, it has a foretaste. Before you taste it, you know you shouldn't be eating it.

A dignified nibble—who am I kidding—treats you to a mouth full of something as organic as a Lady Gaga lettuce dress. It's far worse if you also get a bite of gummy whatever. The sickening smell comes more from the gummy fixin's than the thick marshmallow slices. There's a combination of plastic, perfume, and possibly rubber flavoring at play. The pickle, lettuce piece might have been green apple and a peck at the worm maggot wasn't as indigestible as the rest.

Better used as a threat, weapon, or a prop, you'd be better off with real maggots and spiders and hard pressed to tell the difference. Was that last part too much?

2 comments:

Rosa said...

Loved the foretaste line. Also major creepers on that sandwich!

jMo said...

Thanks, Rosa, it was fairly disgusting all around. Your blog seems like a great way for your class to stay in touch, hope you weathered the hurricane.