Saturday, January 26, 2008

Candy Coated Packer Pretzel Balls

pretzel ballsFrozen Tundra my Irish arse.
What do The Packers have in common with Candy Coated Packer Pretzel Balls?
They're green and gold
They weren't good enough to make it to The Bowl
They're lousy frozen
They're a choking hazard
It will be a week tomorrow and Cheeseheads around here are still blubbing. Mothers have cleaned the duct tape off their children, and re-raised the flags on their Packer mailboxes, further confusing the mailman.
If I have to hear another grown man weep over the loss of a football game, I'm going to duct tape them to a chair, and force feed them Packer Pretzel Balls until they've watched every Rosie O'Donnell episode of The View.
Officially called Team Colors Party Mix, this is one tiny bag of balls. They taste like those coated pretzels you find at the grocery store, only ball shaped.
For the diet conscious who wouldn't have a problem if they knew what it's like to raise seven children in a tool shed then fish Lake Mendota with nothing but a string and a rusty nail after collecting coal all day: 140 Calories for 18 tiny balls, 6g Fat, 19g Carbs. Hardly seems worth it now, does it? It took the efforts of five artificial dyes with the word "lake" in them to color this bag of nonsense green and gold.
The ho hum balls are made in Cedarburg (which used to have a good fish fry) by C.P. Twist. This company also makes something called Cheezels in party size tubs. Just what the kids need. Now wipe the snot off your face and go shovel the walk.

13 comments:

C said...

HAHAHA!!! OMG! You had me laughing so hard when I read: If I have to hear another grown man weeping over the loss of a football game, I'm going to duct tape them to a chair, and force feed them Packer Pretzel Balls until they've watched every Rosie O'Donnell episode of The View.

Thanks for the chuckle. I guess football to Americans is like hockey to Canadians. Football is big here too, but not to the extent as it is in the States!

Oh my goodness. You are a hoot! I've got to get Hubby to read this post when he gets home!

Jeanna said...

Dang, girl, no sooner did Grandma post and here is my fav Kanook. There are a fair share of hockey fans here due to the success of the UW hockey teams. My little cousin is five and been playing for a few years already. He likes hitting things with sticks.
Your detox menus look and sound great, btw.
Speaking of chuckle, do you know where I can get episodes of Made In Canada? Loved, loved, LOVED that show and they stopped broadcasting it at the end of Season 3 here. This is where every major character was about to get murdered. Great place to stop.

Uncivil said...

Oh Lawd!!!!I'm gonna have to start watching football, so I can see what makes grown men cry?
Wait a minute.....I would cry if you duct taped me to a chair and made me watch football!!!!!!
Rosie O'Donnell would just make me puke!!!!!
Hey, she should be Hillary's running mate? Double puke!

Jeanna said...

Woah there, Mary Matalin.
Watching T.O. cry was like hearing Babe Ruth say, "No thanks, I'll just have skim milk." I feel dirty somehow. And not good dirty.
The local news treated the loss like a seasonal affective disorder.

Clem said...

You all need to quit wasting your time on the computer and get out and shovel my driveway.

Uncivil said...

OK....I had to go to "Wikipedia" and read up on the "Green Bay Packers" and their fans the "Cheeseheads"!
It's all starting to make sense to me now!
My deepest condolences!!!!!!!
Are the "Cowboy's a bunch of sissys or what?

Cakespy said...

Ha! This is really funny. And the way they'll rhapsodize about it afterward too...!

Jeanna said...

T.O., God love him, has issues. The Giants, who deservedly smote The Packers at Lambeau, are not a bunch of snivelling show boats, and I only wish I could spend a Super Bowl weekend in Vegas taking the longshot bet.
That said, I, like my grandmother before me, am a Steelers fan, but thanks anyway. Tony Romo is a WI boy, I wish da Bears the best of luck, still love the White Sox, and hope the Brewers choke after losing Cocoa. My Coocoooaa.
I realize this means nothing to you, but I'm on a sugar buzz from those stupid pretzel balls.

Jeanna said...

Hey Cakespy, no King Cake sightings yet.
I can hear it now...The mighty Favre struck a deal with the devil one mid winter eve, but the towns folk already had his heart and soul...

C said...

Jeanna, I like hitting things with sticks too! LOL!

Made In Canada!!! Wow! I didn't know you knew about that show! Now, Rick Mercer's got a show on TV called The Mercer Report. I've actually got his website and blog links on my favourites (on my sidebar). He's hilarious! You can get it on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Industry-John-Greyson/dp/B00006D2AC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1201531858&sr=1-1

Jeanna said...

Thanks, Chrissy, that's probably Season 1, but I do need most of Season 1 because four episodes are MIA. I was hoping you knew someone who taped it so I could see what happens after they're all supposedly murdered in that Joe Flaherty episode. Love Rick Mercer and all the cast. It just might be on my Top 10 Comedies list.

Ms. Mamma said...

I love the way you put balls where your mouth is and just laid it out for all to see. Hilarious and astute observation and review. O how you make me laugh, jMo!

Clem said...

Thank you, young lady. Now go wash your mouth out with soap before I get the switch. And don't use the guest soap.