Monday, March 10, 2008

Movie Candy

Zagnuts, Kits, Black Jack Taffy,Candy NecklaceThis post was prompted by the amazing Mr. Ripley, I mean the amazing *Lisa, which gives me a chance to let all the chocolate I gluttonized over the weekend settle. Right on my arse. Betsy Ann American Chocolates sent me a case, and I mean A. Case. of gourmet chocolate Easter eggs last week, and although I did my best to resist, I shredded through the top two layers like a rabid dog before it made it to the Test Site. The candy I mean, not the dog. There is no dog. Well not a rabid one (that I know of). Thankfully, there were volunteers waiting.
The Challenge: Memorable Lines From FiveDifferent Movies and to Whom Might You Utter Those Lines if Your Mind Weren't Like a Very Thin Piece of Chocolate Covered Swiss Cheese
All mine involve candy.
1) Strangers With Candy (2005)
Jerri Blank introducing herself to her new high school classmates (Amy Sedaris): Hello, I'm Jerri Blank and - and I'm an alcoholic. I'm also addicted to amphetamines as well as main line narcotics. Some people say I have a sex addiction, but I think all those years of prostitution was just a means to feed my ravenous hunger for heroin. It's kinda like the chicken or the nugget. The point is, I'm addicted to gambling. Thank you.
When might I use that? Anywhere I could. Job interviews, various court room appearances, family picnics (where it would be particularly poignant).

Mallo Cup2) The Devil's Rejects ~shudder~ (2005)
Candy (Elizabeth Daily): What you lookin' at?
Otis B. Driftwood (Bill Moseley): I'm lookin' at you, mama.
Candy: Yeah, you see something you like?
Otis B. Driftwood: Maybe. I set my standards pretty low, so I'm never disappointed.
Who'd I say that to? Saving it for bar time.
3) Brain Candy (1996)
White Trash Woman (Mark McKinney): How can you sleep with my best friend, and then tell me about it?
White Trash Man (Bruce McCulloch): Sure I told you about it, baby, but don't shoot the messenger!
Who to: There is many a jerk I'd like to reverse roles on.

Snaps4) Planes, Trains, And Automobiles (1987)
Del (John Candy): You play with your balls a lot.
Neal (Steve Martin): I do NOT play with my balls.
Del: Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!
Neal: Are you trying to start a fight?
Del: No. I'm simply stating a fact. That's all. You fidget with your nuts a lot.
Neal: You know what'd make me happy?
Del: Another couple of balls, and an extra set of fingers?
Think I'll use it during March Madness and change Larry Bird to LeBron James or Josh Shipp.
Candy (Based on Voltaire's Candide) (1968)
5) Grindl (Brando): They say in my country that the centipede has a thousand legs but he cannot tap dance.
Candy Christian (Ewa Aulin): I don't quite see the connection.
Grindl: Well, it loses a little something in translation.
You could slip that little gem in the conversation just about anywhere.
FIN
Or Is It?
*Can't forget I.T. Guy for his Technicolor idea (brought to you in breathtaking CinemaScope).
No candy was harmed in the writing of this post.

16 comments:

lisa marie said...

I love how you tied it together with candy. :) I had totally forgotten the scene from Planes, Trains. . . FUNNY!

Jeanna said...

Thanks, Lisa, still drooling over that Panda cake. Sad to say, a good example of my taste in movies. I might go out and get Planes, Trains on DVD. Love John Candy, miss him. Watching Gone Baby Gone right now, great dialog; another Casey Affleck film.

Faye said...

Loved the graphics for your post-not to mention the real Mallowmars.

Jeanna said...

Thanks Faye, the candy is from a big ol' box of treats I got from my sister for my birthday. I still have the Teaberry gum. You've inspired me to rent the Painted Veil, it's one of those movies I pushed to the back of my mind.

Uncivil said...

Excellent post Madam!
Where's the Popcorn? I like my movie foods like my women! Sweet & salty.....I'll take some Goobers Milk Chocolate Peanuts and a bag of popcorn.
I can remember many years ago...sneaking some Lowenbrau 7 ounce ponies in my cowboy boots and enjoying a cold beer while at the movies.

I like that Otis B. Driftwood quote.
I always drink Tequila when I plan on setting my sights low!LOL!!
Haven't done that in a couple of years, cause last time my sights were so low it was embarrassing.

Jeanna said...

Great minds, James, I was just thinking of popping a batch and reading the rest of the movie posts.
I'm mostly salty, and usually more than a little pissed off.
Lowenbrau, I swear, you are constantly surprising me. In your cowboy boots no less. Is that like hiding an Old Speckled Hen in your Marbury's?
I had a club buddy who used to say, "He was so low he had to climb up to find the gutter."

Heather said...

Haven't seen most of those movies, but it sounds like I'm missing some good stuff!

Love the Chick-o-Stick in your candy pic - so yummy!

Jeanna said...

Hey Heather, four of those movies might not be for everyone, but good for my twisted sense of humor.
Good eye on the Chick-O-Sticks, that was one of those generously sized ones.

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Dang! A. Case of gourmet chocolate easter eggs?!!? How'd ya swing THAT?! Let's trade blogs for a day or a month or so.....

Jeanna said...

Hey Olga, the devil wears ganache and sends me email about reviewing chocolate. Doesn't Bali do the same for you? I'd gladly trade you a case of eggs for a little support.

Melanie said...

Good choices!

Jeanna said...

Thanks for stopping by, Melanie. I wonder how that software you mention does for a live draft.

mjd said...

Very nice presentation of Fun
Monday; the Devil's Rejects bit is especially funny. Plus, thank you for the Betsy Ann chocolate link. That is my sister's name; I think that she might need some Betsy Ann candy.

Jeanna said...

Hi mjd, that movie creeped me out worse that The Exorcist. Which makes some of the funny moments funnier.
I'll be doing the Betsy Ann chocolate review before the calories I consumed from it wear off.

meleah rebeccah said...

came here from OLGAS blog..I think I just gained 15 pounds reading this....but then I laughed it right back off.

Jeanna said...

Thanks Meleah R., hope to tempt you further. If you wanted "insight" on your blog topic, you should have seen the Heidi Fleiss interview on ABC the other night. Hilarious.