This post brought to you by the Disappointing Flavor of Now and Later Soft Taffy Candy,
The Soft Candy That's Hard To Eat
Before stumbling across Eunice's, the Crawford County GOP, and emergency vehicle traffic, I followed this sign
Horse Dancing NEXT 2 MILES.
I was bleary eyed, road weary, trail tired, and knew it was time to turn around. But I couldn't. Even when I saw what my Sox visor had done to my hair.
While in search of the six legged mambo (does that sound dirty or is it just me?), I remembered a few equestrian moments from my past.
There was the time that even though the "tamest horse we got" ran away with me on its back as I screamed "Whoa, please, whoa," it was better than getting stuck with the "farting horse" like my grade school chum Kim Hocking.
Everyone was too busy laughing to help me. Including the horse. Apparently unfamiliar with the term rein it in, it tried to bite me when I attempted to do so.
Almost every road sign intrigued me. Did the horses dance with neckless bald men, then camp? Were scorched cans of beans eaten with giant sporks around the campfire? Were there farting horses, banned from the ranch due to excessive bean-eating flatulence like the scene in Blazing Saddles?
I was getting closer to an answer. Wait, did this mean horses park there, or is it a park for horses? Did they have horsie swings? Oh no, they were banned in '95 (bastards) and I was regressing.
Then there was the time I was horse rumped against a stall in Sparta like I was in the trash compactor scene from Star Wars. Talk about buns of steel. A horse has more power in its ass than Mariusz Pudzianowsk on PCP.
You da man, Mariusz.
The Tootsie Fruit Rolls were out of reach as a defensive move, and all I had were these lousy Now and Laters I'd brought along for a photo op. One which could have turned a cloudy frigid day into a hot steaming nightmare. Less on that now, more later.
I say lousy, because the fine people at Now and Later struck out this time.
Struck out looking.
They're too soft to be considered chewy. The Banana ones are on the point of disintegration, and almost impossible to remove from the wrapper. Although I was initially eating the Banana Softs like Jeff Goldblum eats sugar. My body must have been craving Yellow 5.
The Apple and Cherry squares come closer to classic Now and Laters, but STILL.
Maybe I saw horses camping, maybe I didn't. I never saw the itinerant chocolate lab again, but I followed him until I ran into this