Well I was downtown for hours, most of them spent waiting on my cousin to drag his sorry arse off the couch, out of the shower, and away from the mirror while I made friends with the indigenous peoples of State Street. Enough really is enough after all. Needless to say I had a lot of:
Holding with that sentiment and without further ado, it's the
First Annual Parent's Night Freakfest Awards with our hosts Jamie Lee Curtis and Matthew McConaughey.
Take it away Jamie.
Hello everybody, here we are in the lavish–arrgghh—eeeeekkkk— flumpp—
Well alright, alright, alright, thank you for that chilling intro, Jamie Lee.
First I'd like to take my shirt off for the ladies (zip). Oh my goodness, I said "shirt," didn't I? My bad.
On to the awards. Is it truly chilly in here or are my butt cheeks tighter than usual. Check out those silky buns of steel, y'all.
How fitting that our first award of the evening is for:
Best BackstoryNot to worry, little guy, I was just kidding, I'm taking off my shirt (rip).
The next costume is based on one of the deepest movies of my generation. You know it, you love it, pass me a Zagnut, it's Beetlejuice.
Winner of A Movie Couple That Nobody Dresses Up Like Which Is Weird Because They Totally Should:
Maybe you should take that shirt off, Adam. Or is there room for just one set of bodacious ta-tas on this stage? What do you think, Jamie Lee?~gurgle~
And speaking of dark, have you heard the rumor I'm going to be the next Dark Knight, a rumor I started myself. Yes I did.
Best Dark Knight Costume Worn By A Slightly Inappropriate Person
Nurse Harvey Dent (that's what his name tag says even though who could forget Heath Ledger's gams?)This next recipient is on the right track, but needs a couple palm fronds and some serious thigh wax to kick it up a notch.
The glasses, and I'm going out on a limb here, fake yellow teeth, are a nice touch, compadre.
Best Baby With Hairy Legs
Alright, alright, alright, thank you crazy old street singer. Which leads me to my personal favorite:
Most Likely To Be Arrested.
That's not funny, compadre. Well, maybe it is, anyone care to partake? I'm talkin' about you part with your weed, and I take, son. Yeah.
The costume for Best Weed goes to:
right. The award for:
Most Likely To Be Arrested
Honorary Most Likely To Be Arrested
The "Blow Me" Guy
Moving right along.
Best Costume Seen Through A Bar Window
The Guy With The Hockey Puck Through His Head
Just two more to go, I promise. I'm standing on your what, Jamie Lee? Sorry darlin', we'll straighten that out later. This next one is a write-in from our blog host.
The Costume Most Likely To Be Worn By My Nephew, Andy
Very nice. And practical too. And our last award of the evening, one we can all relate to, the award for the....drum roll, please: