Jeanna sent me a package of kooky candy goodies (along with a Wisconsin Badgers toothbrush so I could scrub my teeth afterward). The idea was that I would do a guest post at her blog. I'm not a candy critic, I told her, and I can't write about it as intelligently as she or some of her guest bloggers already have. She told me that was okay, to just write it up unhinged-style. Muahaha.
As soon as I saw the booty, though, I knew I had to share with my co-workers, shake 'em up a little bit, because that's just how I roll.
The Candy Critics:
Andi (aka Unhinged)
Will try any kind of candy that doesn’t turn her stomach looking at it (which means no eyeballs, gummi bugs, or chocolate covered crickets)
Has a 5-year-old, routinely eats gummi worms, fish, and Lord knows what else
Not into candy much, but loves cake at night, even though that's the worst time to eat it
She’s the Mikey, Mikey, She’ll Eat Anything of the group
Has a sweet tooth to rival Willy Wonka and loves Coke
He's from the Philippines and likes a totally different style of sweets
Gets all the sugar she needs from wine, which means she had to be coaxed into eating this stuff
So we had some bushy-tailed participants, some um, okay-ers, and a few only because you’re making me-ers. Life is a grand melting pot, huh?
Sour Gummi French Fries
The big hit for everyone. The general consensus was that the candy fries were all lemony, tangy goodness. They were soft and chewy, but didn’t stick to your teeth like some kinds of gummi candy. (Plus, the crazy-funny thing about the fries is that we had McDonald’s French fries for lunch on the day we tried the candy, so it was like we were fated to love the fries.)
Trolli Brain Surge
The runner up for the great candy experience, Gummi-shaped brains, what more could we want? The brains were supposed to be a two-part candy—you have the right side of the brain and the left side of the brain, and each side was a different flavor. I have to admit that as soon as I saw that, my stomach shrank. However, most of the brain halves fell out of the bag unattached, which is much like me some of the time—only operating with half a brain.
Audrea loved the brains and went back for seconds. "Is it gooey in the middle?" she asked.
"Oh, no. Oy," I replied. But yes, there is liquid inside of them. I tried not to think about it.
Annabelle ate half a brain, loved it and went for another half, then found out it was brain candy. She made a face, cupped her hand over her mouth and made like she was going to vomit. A minute later, she grabbed another handful of brains, so it's probably safe to say these babies are good if the girl had the willies at first, but couldn’t stop eating them.
Jane liked the brains, too, but preferred to take them apart and eat them separately. They last longer that way.
I finally caved and ate half a brain, then ended up taking a handful back to my desk. They were good. Maybe eating brains will help boost my intelligence.
e.frutti Gummi Pizza
Look at the cute widdle pizza! I giggled like the girl I am and debated whether or not to eat it because it was just so awful goldurn cute. But then I decided I had to break into it in the spirit of Jeanna’s candy science project. When I opened the package, the pizza was already sliced. (Ohmigaw! How friggen cute!)
Gloria had the first piece. She chewed and chewed it (which resulted in me looking at the package again to see if it was gum), finally swallowed it in a gulp and said it was good, but rubbery.
Annabelle said it tasted gummi, Teresa tried to bite one of the little slices in half, but that gummi is some strong stuff, baby, and it wouldn’t give. She said it had a weird aftertaste like plastic. She then changed her mind about five minutes later and said it tasted like (and I quote): “Petroleum.”
I thought it was chewy and fruity-weird, but it did take forever to swallow. I also thought it came with an oily aftertaste. Jane was the only one who really liked the pizza. Audrea and Ray wouldn’t touch the last slice, so Jane got the last piece.
e.frutti Gummi Cola Bottle
This, of course, went to Jane, who was bug-eyed AMAZED that it tasted JUST LIKE COKE. Teresa said those things had been around forever and that yeah, of course it tastes like Coke because they put Coke in it. Apparently they have Dr. Pepper and Root Beer, too.
e.frutti Gummi hamburger
Sadly, the hamburger sprouted legs and escaped. To this day, I have no idea who made off with it, but would guess it falls into the same rubbery category as the pizza.
Note: the e.frutti pizza, hamburger and fries come in what's called the Lunch Bag. Swanky.
Twilight Conversation Hearts
Jeanna, bless her werewolf-preferring heart, sent me a box of the Twilight conversation hearts to try. I was SO EXCITED to see them, too. It was like I was 12-years-old all over again. The thing about the Twilight hearts, though? They don’t live up to the hype. I think someone concocted a pastel colored witch’s brew of sugar, chalk, and different Chapstick flavors, and decided to call them conversation hearts. The text on the hearts was almost impossible to see (and I combed through the hearts looking specifically for the one that said BITE ME).
The kicker that is supposed to distinguish the Twilight conversation hearts from your regular Valentine hearts is that they are supposed to sparkle like Edward Cullen does. And, um, they didn't. Woe. And oh, Great Googly-Moogly, did they taste AWFUL. The orange color was tolerable, but left a bad taste in my mouth and I was still burping orange a half hour later.
Still . . . I pressed Ray into trying one because his wife is a fan of Twilight and he said (and I quote): “These are horrible.” Jane quickly chased a heart down with her Coke, Teresa said, "Ew," and Gloria wrinkled her nose.
We’re all about French fries and brains at the office. Which, when I think of it, is spot-on if you add a couple pots of coffee.
Check out Andi's most excellent blogs, Unhinged and Moonburn