Saturday, May 30, 2009

Guest Blogger YoJimbo: Twang Beer Salt

Twang Beer Salt
Lick The Twang. Drink The Beer.
Honestly, I had never experienced beer salt until my Twangy little package arrived in the mail via my favorite Cheese Head Hottie at the Dish, Jeanna.
I cannot for the life of me think of a reason any sane person would put salt in their beer or ask a redneck bigot (Archie Bunker wanna be) to do a review on it.

Emily Before and AfterThe best thing Twang Beer Salt has goin' for it is the pick up line, Lick The Twang, and it doesn't make me think about lickin' salt. For Christ's sake I'm the fella who experimented with Alka Seltzer and Booty Twang back in the 80's.
You know where I would be takin' this Twang Thang, but I couldn't find a willing victim at my age of the game. As for Twang and beer, this beer salt just ain't my bag.

Emily and AbigailThe only use I could see for it would be for margaritas and tequila shots. Just didn't have the kahunas to experiment in that arena. I tried it with a few beers at the local bars and was not impressed. And I learned not to pour it directly into a beer. That was just nasty! I did want to try it with some Dos Equis, but just never got around to it.


The Twang Bangers play Craponne (yes, really) France July 2007

Twang Bangers, somebody beat me to that one. (Follow the link if the video doesn't load.)
Not a whole lot I can say about the product other than the name and where it takes my perverted, vulgar little mind. Let's face it, Lick The Twang would be a great porno movie.
I can come up with all kinds of Twang related comments with a name like that:
It takes Two to Twango.
My Twang or yours?
Q. What does an astronaut call recycled Tang?
A. Twang of course.
What if we got Beer Nuts involved, Lickin' Twang and Saltin' Nutz. Me thinks this is supposed to be a "G" rated blog. Yep, this will get edited for sure.
TTYL (Twang To Ya Later),
Your favorite southern redneck boy, Booty Twang.


Frogs drinking beer
Editor's Note: I got the Twang Beer Salt from the All Candy Expo.
Follow Jimmy's Uncivil adventures here.

36 comments:

Jeanna said...

Great job, James. The girls are lovely, as usual.
Leave it to you to find a group called the Twang Bangers playing at a place called Crap On.

Uncivil said...

Schwing, shwang , Shania Twang!
Say that 3 times fast!
When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear, 2 redneck hound dogs and a bottle of salt in my beer?

Uncivil said...

I can't believe my bloodshot eyes?
Thank you for the honor of putting my crusty little thoughts on your wonderful weblog my dear!

Jeanna said...

So why are Abgail's eyes bloodshot?
Nice poem, btw.

Uncivil said...

Me thinks she got a grain of salt in her eye?

Jeanna said...

I thought those dogs were sneaking some moonshine.

C said...

BAHAHAHA!!! OMG, Jimbo! I have been waiting for this post for a long time! Yay! It's finally here AND it is hilarious!

LOL! I had a feeling you'd mention Shania in your comments here! ;p My ex had a thing for Shania AND salt in his beer. I hope he's not reading this, but if ever there were a more perfect image of a Canadian Redneck in the City, it would have to be of him! Salt in beer? WTF? Why?

Ab and Em are adorable!! Great post, Jimbo! XO

Jeanna said...

The Irish side of the fam put salt in their beer, and I have to ask "Why?" every single time.
A few small town WI drinking buddies used to salt their brew back in the day too.
That tells me the beer sucks so bad it doesn't matter what you put in it. Why not light it on fire and chuck in a kielbasa.

lisaschaos said...

Beer Salt? really! I wouldn't think it would be good. Maybe it could be doggy food salt?

C said...

Jeanna, I like your kielbasa idea! Yeah, I always asked my ex WHY he salted his beer...and he always told me, "Just because". What kind of answer is that? It then led me to wonder what kind of ridiculous things I do out of ritual that has no rhyme or reason except that it's "just because". Do I ever do things without knowing the reasons for which they're done? Probably. Can't think of any off the top of my head though.

Jimbo. You may want to venture to my neck of the woods since Shania's hometown isn't too far...AND you can visit the Shania Mecca. You know, the place Shania fans like you go to worship her ;p

I remember my ex being really mad that she didn't reveal "anything" in her Playboy pictorial. Perv. I was thinking, "Good for her for not showing anything". Anyway, must dash. Will catch up with you guys later. Little One beckons...

XO

Jeanna said...

I don't know if the girls would go for that Lisa, what about Twang flavored chow, Jimbo?

Jeanna said...

There's a Shania Mecca?
Really?

Uncivil said...

I'm with Jeanna.
I didn't know there was such a thing as a "Shania Mecca"! She ain't muslim is she?????

C
We need to send the beer salt to hubby and let him do a guest post!!!!

Uncivil said...

Emily prefers cat poop flavored chow!!!!!

Jeanna said...

Where did she find a cat? Are you sure it wasn't poodle? Abigail is the one with the bloodshot eyes.

C said...

James,
It's actually called "The Shania Twain Centre". Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shania_Twain_Centre

:) If you ever do decide to make your pilgrimage, drop by our place on your way ;) xo

Jeanna,
Yes. Seriously. The good people of Timmins, Ontario have a place where they worship Shania. Okay, perhaps "pay hommage" is more appropriate?

Jeanna said...

She's a singer, right?

Uncivil said...

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?

Jeanna said...

Feathers?

jodi said...

everything is better with sausage in it.

uh, that came out wrong.

Uncivil said...

For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

Uncivil said...

I like the way Jodi thinks?

jodi said...

for a guy who licks twang and salts their nuts, you would--lol!!!!

Jeanna said...

It depends where the sausage has been, Jodi.
Of course you would, YoJimbo.

C said...

LOL! OMG...Jimmy, you are hilarious! I'll have to tell Hubby that bird/swine flu joke.

Jodi, you are tooooooooo funny!!! ;p

Jeanna...I used to come here for the candy posts. Now I come here for the comments/banter.

I was thinking of you today when I had some of the local ice cream. Hey, it's 32-freaking-degrees (Celsius) here! That would be around 89.5 or something Farenheit. It's soooo hot that Little One looks like she's going to melt! Poor kid!

Jeanna said...

Oh man, I suppose she has to get used to that freakish weather we have down here as well.
Yesterday I'd left the car with the windows partially open for about an hour and a half at about 4 pm. It was 111 degrees when I got back in.
Mid-nineties today I think, so I've been in a local pool for hours.
Am working on my next post in some free AC so I can put yours then Heidi's post up.
Yes, Jimbo cracks me up, I can see him entertaining old ladies on a sea cruise with that joke.

C said...

Holy crap! 111 degrees inside your car? Ick. It's like those commercials that were on TV in the 80s and 90s. The ones that said "this is enough to fry your dog's brain"...remember those commercials? It bugs me when people leave their dogs in the car when they're at the mall or grocery store and it's freaking hot in there. They think that leaving the window open a crack will help keep their beloved pups cool. Try sitting in a car with the window open just a crack and see if you don't feel like you're melting!

Okay, I'm done with my rant for today :) Must be the heat that's making me sooo biatchy! LOL!

If you think that rant is bad, one of my girlfriends actually broke into a car to get the dog out and left a note on the windshield telling the owner how irresponsible it was to leave a defenseless pup in the car when it was so hot. Now THAT's balls-y! LOL!

C said...

P.S. LOL! I have no idea where that comment came from. BTW, I was at the Chocolate Works the other day and thought of you.

Jeanna said...

It is a sack o' balls, but it's also vandalism, disorderly conduct, possibly breaking and entering, dog napping, and burglary. What if they caught you in the act and had a weapon.
Remember the Detroit dude who beat the woman to a pulp (until she jumped off a bridge to her death) because she rear ended him in traffic?
Still, I empathize. I've sat vigil with dogs to see if the people were coming back soon and called the cops more than once.
Even with the windows wide open you had better have had the AC on for them, wet them down, and make it quick. Sometimes you just have to leave them home in the AC.
I've usually got a dark colored dog in tow and I think they suck up the heat and sun like big ol' fur sponges.
Think of me when you're looking at fruit and pre-peeled carrots, not chocolate. Damn, I will stay inside and work today. At least for a few hours.
Inside=death.

C said...

Hey, Jeanna!
You betcha...that is everything you listed. I commend her (my friend) on her beliefs and standing up for what she is passionate about (the well-being of animals), BUT you're right. It IS against the law to break in and pooch-nap...no matter whether her intentions were good or not. Anyhooooooo.

Carrots and fruits, huh? Well, since it's sooooo hot here (it was like 40 with the humidex) that I haven't really felt like eating anything but watermelon, salads, or open-faced tomato sandwiches. Do you get like that in the summer too? The heat just makes you not want to ea? ALTHOUGH, Hubby and I did inhale a few popcicles yesterday!

Jeanna, I think Hubby is insane. I was upstairs and I heard him say, "Little One likes popcicles!!!" I thought, noooo way is he giving our 7 month old (4 month corrected) popcicles!!! Ummm...I got downstairs and LO was smiling and giggling...with a chocolate covered mouth! GAH!!!

Uncivil said...

Alright, this post has been up to dang long! I'm ready for C & Heidi to do their's!!!!!
Come on with it my little Mantitoulin Mushkin'!!!!

C said...

LOL! Jimbo, I submitted mine the other week, I must say that it pales in comparison to yours and Andi's though.

'Scuse me while I hang my head in shame...

Jeanna said...

No, I hear you C., but I figure I'll either meet my end by water, car, or getting myself killed because I've lost my temper and done something stupid like busting a dog out of a car then setting said car on fire.
She's seven mopnths, no? Holy crap. They have those Pedialyte popsicles for little ones, so why not. Little sweetie, I can see her with a cherry posicle mouth, but she's going for the bean already? LOL.
I get like that a bit, but both nature and nurture are against me. My idea of eating light would probably put someone like Mary-Kate Olsen in a coma.
Right now it's all about crushed ice in the largest glass I can find, preferably chilled, filled with diet Mug root beer with a side of Red Vines (frozen and used as straws).
Tomato sammies sound wonderful. I eat many tomatoes in the summer. I wouldn't stop eating if I was around your cooking.

Jeanna said...

It's been what, a week? This from the king of maybe I'll post this month.
Hey, I've had to write man-on-the-street Christmas stories so many months in advance that people thought I either had sun stroke or was one of the more industrious homeless people populating State Street.
And you're obviously not paying attention to the pattern. I've had stories and photos stockpiled since the first week of May.
Although the sooner Chrissy, Heidi, and possibly Lisa are published, the sooner I can put blow this sugar shack.

C said...

"Although the sooner Chrissy, Heidi, and possibly Lisa are published, the sooner I can put blow this sugar shack."

Gah! Okay, please don't publish our posts if it signals the end of The Dish! I'd like to prolong this a bit! Seriously...the end of The Dish makes me really, really sad :(
It's almost like an end to an era. Okay, I'm a bit of a drama queen. Guess I know where my 7 month old daughter gets it! LOL!

The end of The Dish would be like "the day the music died"!

...And they were singing, 'Bye, bye Miss American Pie...

LOL! Shit. I can't sleep. It's almost 3AM, but I had a Red Bull so I could stay awake driving 9 hrs from Kingston to the Island and now I can't sleep. Red Bull gives you wings!

Jeanna said...

I don't know Chrissy, I'm loving this guest post thing, think I'll try to do more of that regardless. Maybe I'll let other people post on the Dish and drop by from time to time so they won't delete three years of posts.
I haven't even decided to go with Word Press or Rapid Weaver yet and have already screwed up the domain name.
That's a LONG f**cking way, Chrissy. I didn't know you were going that far. You crazy, girl. And I'm drained after a day of lounging in the sun and eating.