Goo Goo Gone Wild

Pleasant View Candy Shop Goo Goo Bars, eight ounces of Amish candy from Soldier's Grove by way of The Shoe Box,  is one of those chewy, gooey, mawkish messes that gets inside your head until you take it in your jaws like a werewolf tearing through flesh even though you had no intention of ever touching it because it was for your parents who treat Amish candy like Kosher wine at seder.

Wait, "Ma, I'm not Jewish."

The Amish Goo Goo Bar is built with piles of mini marshmallows, junk chocolate, and globs of caramel. I believe the slab capable of moving across the desktop and running amuck. I fully expect it to pop out of my stomach Alien-style later.

A quick whiff could put ten pounds on your arse and send the plastic container into reactive hypoglycemia. Okay, I'm done now.

I thought it was turtle candy at first, then thought it something you have to shove in your mouth without thought or warning damn the consequences. It's the thick caramel seductively sliding off the marshmallows that get you.

This brick needs nuts or a cookie to counter the onslaught of sugar. Less than half—which is still a lot—makes you want low sodium soup, or multi grain bread, or spinach or grass or grits or something.

I do like how the caramel lingers, but the last thing this hunk of calories needs is a foundation of lousy chocolate. If ever a dessert screamed for crunch and salt, it's the Pleasant View Candy Shop Goo Goo Bar.

It was surprisingly less than appalling with diet Mtn Dew.