Thursday, January 29, 2009

Sugar Frenzy Would Be A Great Name For A Band

Mac and sugI blame this sorry sight on a clean and purge binge which kicked in last spring and keeps rearing its sanitized head in inclement weather. I'm a latent clean freak who's been fighting the family clean gene for years. As a child I'd lure my best friend into a game of hide-and-seek just to clean her room while she hid.
When I unearthed my old friend Marvin, a 7100/80 Power Mac banished to unholy corners of my apartment, I vowed to get him up and running within days.
Ten months later and here we are. All I can say is, I don't want to know what a drag lib is, where to find it, or what to do with it when I do.
After two days of getting side tracked with a router for the PS3 and using words such as "configuration" and "subnet mask" I started using words like "I give up" and "I'm taking this piece of shit back, so f--- it."

Steelers HatWhen I picked up with Marvin where I left off (screaming obscenities at the monitor), I remembered how I got fat: Computer Error + Stuck Inside At This Desk = Sugar Frenzy.
The M&Ms arrived just after I bought a little candy to do a post called Nerding It Up, which now seems like a bad idea, especially after reading about Lisa's recent nutritional advances.
Good for you, Lisa.
My conclusion: This is no way to get healthy.
I feel so dirty I may drive through the car wash with my top down. Except I don't have a convertible, whoo hooo.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Tick Tock

The M&Ms dude (playing a dude disguised as another dude) wanted all you valentine making sugar hounds to see this graphic (as a sort of equal time thing):

Mystique M&MsYes, it's a green M&M wearing lipstick and heavy eye make up. I'm thinking a Star Trek geek had a hand in this campaign. Win them, eat them, show them the town, but get cracking on those valentines.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Win Some Green M&Ms Valentine Contest

The So-Called Rules:
Create a valentine related to candy. Any candy. You can bake it, shake it, scan it, fan it, paste it, taste it, lace it, trace it. Anything you want, but nothing too obscene or gross (if you've ever read this blog you know that gives you a lot of leeway).
Email to the address at the bottom of the blog.
The grand prize is whatever green M&Ms are coming my way for promotion, minus the ones I eat, so get those entries in while there's still candy left.
Runners up get a DVD or video from Captain Jeanna's treasure trove of cra—I mean wonderful movie collection.
The contest closes when I get enough valentines and the candy arrives.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Ski Dogs and Candy Bars

Chocolate PayDayThe weather got sun melty today with a high of 30 degrees, and you'd think people in southern Wisconsin had been living in their garage freezers. DJs had already been talking about spring when it ambled into the twenties, and I was wearing shorts from the parking lot to the fitness center when it hit 12 above.
Enough about the weather and can somebody please edit that because I don't want to get cheap chocolate on my AP Stylebook.
I came across some weird tracks that looked like paw prints and ski poles while gorging myself like a slaughter house tick on chocolate covered PayDays. Then I saw this speeding toward me.

Dogs skiing"Yaahh!"

Dogs skiingIs that pointer taking a whiz in mid-run? Color me yellow for impressed.

Chocolate PayDayBefore you make jokes about one of the dogs leaving a little something behind, that is the result of scraping off Hershey's chocolate from the PayDay Chocolatey Avalanche.
I found the Hershey's chocolate ill matched with the sweet, salty, crunchy, chewy PayDay, and it hardly seemed worth the effort when all I wanted was the original Payday beneath the waxy thin chocolate.
Whether it's "now available" nostalgic candy or not, dispense with the Avalanche and get an original PayDay or a Pearson's Salted Nut Roll. My God, the Nut Roll is almost as bad as a chocolate PayDay (which is 250 calories, 120 fat calories).
Here they come again.

Once aroundLet's meet the German wirehaired pointers.

Günther and SpatenGünther, left, and Spaten, right.
They both love eating snow and tolerate the boots to get a bit of exercise.

Slammin' highlights, Günther. Would you guys rather eat snow or a PayDay Avalanche?

Eating snow

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I Think Gummi Grits Would Be A Good Name For A Band

Gummy tapewormI'm fresh outta grits, so please enjoy this tapeworm.
Now that we know what's in my stomach, what's in my Blu-ray player?
The Golden Compass
I don't understand this film's poor reception. Even though the ending seemed abrupt, and the runtime felt short at 113 minutes, it's a well cast re-imagination of Pullman's world.
I met Phil Pullman once when he was speaking at Memorial High School. I waited for his autograph long enough to come up with my own trilogy about being pushed over the edge by waiting in line. It was more of a YouTube series like Chad Vader.
We interrupt this post to link you to Madison's own Chad Vader singing Chocolate Rain

Chad VaderSo Phillip Pullman, I asked him to sign The Amber Sypglass: "Chris, put down Harry Potter and read this book!"
Pullman gave me a withering look as only the Oxford educated English can, and said, "I would never tell a child to put down a book."
What about the Unabomber's Manifesto, Phil?
Regardless, 4 out of 5 tapeworms

One of the best looking movies I've seen in the fits of BD gluttony. Captivating story of a young girl who grows up in Iran and escapes to France. Insert French joke here. Gorgeous, funny, sad, fiercely creative. I hear the graphic novel is even better.
4 out of 5 tapeworms

The Dark Knight
There's nothing left to say about this impeccably crafted film, except see it on the IMAX because the Ultra Screen pales. And let your chihuahua wear the DVD as a hat because you must own it on Blu-ray and Blu-ray only.
4 out of 5 tapeworms

This movie doesn't deserve a single tapeworm. Despite Kevin Spacey, whom I love, it's stagnant enough to make me want the boring mess to end Sopranos style. Don't stop—black out

Friday, January 16, 2009

Gummi Girl Likes Fruity Bears and Poison

PackageDid you know that Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chole in 24) was in the Girls Guitar Club? Hilarious act, I have this same performance somewhere on video. And GGC wasn't just a comedy act, but a comedy short.
You'll find no segue here.
I love visits from the delivery guy. Maybe I should start taking photos, because most of them are cute and some of them are homicidal.
Speaking of which, why gummi and teddy bears? Do you find grizzlies particularly cuddly, want to chomp on a polar bear, Ted Nugent aside.
But I'm a gummi girl, and a lightening quick Surf Sweets delivery from a FIB distributor made me put down my Gibson Les Paul and pose a few in the snow. (Posing Fruity Bears, not Guitar Hero controllers. I'm not saying Fruity Bears are posers. Maybe they are. Bastards.)

Fruity beatsPeople wanting to send you their wares always say "We follow your blog blaghity blah blah" when I know damn well there are exactly five of you who on occasion do. But this is another opportunity for gratuitous use of the Gummi Food Pyramid

Gummi Food Pyramidas I ponder if the sweet and chewy folks at Surf Sweets actually read enough to discover my gummi love.
I like these Surf Sweet Fruity Bears. They taste a little like Sunkist Fruit Gems, but their size makes them more palatable.
I especially like the 0 Fat, 0 Cholesterol, and 100% Vitamin C claimed by the nutrition information. There's still 60 mg Sodium (per 2.75 oz bag), 32g Carbs (23g Sugars), and 130 Calories per serving. The serving size is half a bag or 16 pieces, not horrible. But sitting here I've eaten most of the bag.
The ingredients include evaporated organic cane juice, tapioca syrup, and black carrot juice, and although I'm not sure what all that means, I'm a little impressed.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

More Likely To Play With Your Candy

Let's have another look at that Pez Trek Limited Edition Set

Classic Star Trek Pez DispensersSweet. I must have it.
That candy quiz was so right.

Thanks to Magdalena (and her friend Chris) for the photo

Monopoly Chocolate Bar

Monopoly Chocolate
I'm thinking this Monopoly Chocolate Bar was made from a plastic motel rather than chocolate. Maybe there's a Monopoly game somewhere with chocolate motels.

Monopoly chocolateI didn't win instantly.
Meanwhile, why not try the chocolate version of Monopoly, or the whimsical Chocolate-opoly. I don't think either of them have chocolate motels, sorry. But Chocolate-opoly has a chocolate board and property.
The best I can say here is that the bar came from an old box—literally—and that's what I get for buying candy at Blockbuster.
I did discover the existence of Pez Star Trek Gift Sets at Groovy Candies when looking for an online seller of the Monopoly bar. So that's a plus.

Trek PezThat's it, that's the review, it tastes like a wrapper. The Grillz teeth taste better.
If you find yourself in possession of a Monopoly Bar go directly to jail; or eat it quickly when you're really hungry, or give it to someone who doesn't know better. The kind of person who melts grilled cheese with an iron at bar time.

On the Movie Rental Front:
Watched my first Blu-ray disc, Iron Man, yesterday. Excellent quality, great movie.
Watched Sex and the City on Blu-ray after that (the selection at Blockbuster is decidedly limited). Awful movie, any given episode of SATC was more entertaining, unimpressive visually, most of the leads look tired. High def may be the new actor's nightmare.

Thanks to Isra for use of his Pez photo

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I'm Bored And It's Cold Outside

In case you missed the third link from the last post, it's a delightful little Easter candy quiz.
Talk about jumping the speckled hard shell gun.
Hey, they had St. Patrick's Day stuff at Shopko last week.
According to the What Kind of Easter Candy Are You? quiz, I am Peeps. Hear me roar.
Mmmpff, can't roar, mouth full of peeps.

Okay, okay, tis the season and all, so What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

Chocolate candy quizI could have told you all that. Except for the part about working. Ahem.
Where are those damn caramel hearts...beginning to understand what that python felt like—or that Python.
Where's the seltzer?

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Love Triangle

Russell Stover Love NestsIn keeping with my resolution to eat more Valentine's Day candy I've been in the hunt. The above photo was taken shortly after purchasing a second set of Russell Stover Love Nests after the first went missing.

Why Do I Love Love Nests?

arrowI love that you don't have to wait until Easter to eat small jelly beans cradled in chocolate covered coconut.
arrowI love that you're bound to get at least one red jelly bean while the white ones are so very scrumptious yum chewy.
arrowI love that the nests are small enough to forget you're biting into 150 calories and 9 grams of fat for every 28g serving.
arrowI love that Health gives the candy a nutritional D+ even though the site's calorie and fat count is actually lower than the label.
arrowI love that this photo was another excuse to combine my love of candy with my love of the outdoors, almost making sense this time. You know, because they're nests.
arrowI love that truckloads of chocolate arrive the week you're vowing to lose weight and become that person you see jogging on the side of the road at the same time wondering if it's safer to drive while eating chocolate than jog on the side of the road.
arrowI love that I've already broken my vow to use less punctuation.
But when you think about it, who cares—do you? I don't! (although not overly fond of exclamation points…).
arrowI love that when looking for Valentine's Day candy online I found a recipe for Chocolate Covered Squid.
arrowI love that there are all these recipes to make Love Nests and that people have the ambition to do so. Not me of course, but you know, people.
arrowI really, really love the fact that I've got a couple of these waiting downstairs for me to get through a day of trouble shooting my demonically possessed DVD recorder with the fine folks at Best Buy and Panasonic when one bullet through it's black heart is what it really needs.
arrowAnd most of all I love knowing I'll buy more chocolate because Russell Stover Coconut Covered In Milk Chocolate is a gateway Valentine's Day candy.

Thursday, January 01, 2009


This year I vow to:
Watch more movies
Control my temper, then lose it, finally getting that mug shot I've always wanted
Hold more grudges—just because I'm old and can't keep track of things like I used to is no excuse
Use less punctuation
Be less specific
De-age like Dorian Gray while a picture of me gets worse than my present reality
Pretend to complain about turning 30
Find out where that odor is coming from
Eat more Valentine's Day candy weeks in advance
We interrupt this negative agenda for a special link from Unhinged: Toe-Food Chocolates
Give smoking another chance. You look so cool when you smoke and all the kids are doing it.
Get this post done before the night time pain relievers kiccckl ninnnn8
Have absolutely no self control when it comes to buying stupid, over priced novelty candy

GrillzIsn't this cool? You can't eat the teeth, so for a buck 75 it's a little over priced

Sour apple Grillz candyBut you can suck on this: Flavorful coglione shaped sour apple hard candy. Bonus: It breaks before your teeth do. It reminds me of Jack Black's speech in Tropic Thunder, one of the many movies I've recently rented, getting a jump on that first resolution.

Out On DVD

Only one out of the last 10 movies I rented or bought weren't worth bending down to flop into the tray. (Eagle Eye, great trailer, sub par action flick.)

Still one of my favs and recently purchased for ten bucks at Blockbuster: Tropic Thunder
My favorite line from the movie (Robert Downey Jr.): "I don't read scripts, they read me."

Also holds up but get it on Blu-ray or at least widescreen: Hellboy II

A pleasant surprise which I should have known because my parents hated it: In Bruges

I loved it, YoJimbo loved it, you'll love it too, Charlie Wilson's War

Worth another look and for some reason none of the copies I rented when it came out worked: Casino Royale. (Speaking of cogliones and if you want to know what Daniel Craig looks like nude in a chair. Rent it.)

Worth repeated viewing: The other Casino Royale, Layer Cake

Could have been worse, glad Lucy got her teeth fixed and anxiously awaiting Vogage of the Dawn Treader (I'm a Catholic girl of course I devoured those books): Prince Capsian

Not as good as I expected, but still worth renting: Burn After Reading

GuidoThank you Guido for recommending: Dexter. Love that the production designer is named Brandy Alexander.
(Isn't Guido cute, look at those little undies sticking out so fashionably. Aww, baby boy! Sleep aids kicking in.)
Why does this series creep me out when I'm not watching it with a sleepy and irritated chocolate lab in my cousin's basement: Mad Men

Stay tuned for more and number nine.
number nine