Monday, September 29, 2008

Heading South

Do you know the way to Tampa Bay?
(okay, St. Petersburg, but that's harder to sing)

Yeah, uh, we knew the Sox would win the tie-breaker before it happened, including that Thome dinger.
"It's gone!"
(We really did know it was going to happen before it happened. Including the Thome dinger. Although we still love the Twinkies and yes I can. Vince.)
We still hate the Cubs more than you do.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ask Roscoe: Where's The Chocolate?

Roscoe wigCruella, I mean Roscoe, two part question:
Whatever happened to that Divine Chocolate post, I heard the entire box of chocolate was consumed by one person—any truth to the rumor the taste tester in question had to be removed from the Middleton Splash Park with a crane and a 2-liter bottle of seltzer?

"Frisbee? There were all these dogs there and this one giant dog that didn't smell like a dog freaked me out man freaked me OUT what the hell is that thing and everywhere we went there were treats treats TREATS all those people and little humans no one was scared of me everyone kept asking if I was being a skunk today what the hell does that mean people kept petting me and laughing and giving me things and then we went to the park where sometimes I have to show those damn dogs no one better screw with me or the one that smells like sugar and no problems weird there were some fast walkers the lowest one in the pack order made three touchdowns and more dogs and music and treats we lost the contest people like lions more than skunks who cares I swam for hours and me and this little girl kept making sugar smell go deeper and deeper in the water it was really funny and then Troy Gardens where this dog tried to show me how fast he could run I showed him then ate a turnip."

Dog mascot"What the hell is that thing?"

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Leo hypnotizedYou hear nothing in the next room.
I hear everything in the next room.
You smell nothing in the next room.
I smell ice cream sundaes in the next room.
You hear nothing in the next room...
I hear a canister of whipped cream in the next room.

Vince whipped crea,Fffzzzsssshhhfffttt.

I hear nothing in the next room.

And this was dinner.
Hey, there was fruit.

Where did the two tall ones go?
You smell of Edy's and Smuckers—does my tongue look fuzzy to you?

Monday, September 15, 2008

Rainy Days and Mondays

This dog day afternoon brought to you by Fox's Glacier Mints, the last candy in the bag.
Your hard mint is the orange Popsicle of the candy world. Not quite candy, not quite mouthwash, the clear mint is often overlooked and misunderstood.

Roscoe with mintAmong the remains in an old bag of wrappers from Irish Fest were some Fox's Glacier Mints, and what a lovely surprise they were.
The crystal color and mellow mint taste were appealing, working as both an emergency cover up and candy. Easy to crunch and pulverize, I rank Fox's mints high among the last-to-be-eaten candy type.

Roscoe and LeoSome of us need a breath mint more than others. Especially on a rainy, muggy weekend filled with relatives housed in close quarters.

Dog tugRoscoe's brother Leo (pictured above) and cousin Clara (below) were staying over. Much like Vince Young, Roscoe needed to get out and watch the Packer game down by the pub, I mean grab a little me time.

Clara, LeoBoth Clara and Leo reminded Roscoe of their "no dog left behind" policy, but Roscoe reminded them it wasn't his policy unless he was the dog being left behind.

He was ready to hit the trail as soon as I rolled into the driveway.

corn fieldWhere's a corn dog? Whaddya mean you're a wet corn dog doncha get it?

LeoMeanwhile, back at dog central, Leo was mesmerized by the sound of whipping cream coming from the kitchen.
To Be Continued

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Danie (Cujo's mom) brought two packs of Morinaga Hi-Chews back from Hawaii months ago and I've been rat holing them ever since. She fell in love with the Japanese fruit chews after becoming parched when climbing something larger than expected (volcano, surfer, who knows).
I thought maybe they'd be like Quench gum because Danie found them so crazy refreshing. Not quite, but there are distinct chewing gum overtones.
I tried the grape and green apple and loved how the tastes and textures played off each other. The individually wrapped pieces are bite-sized, but hearty enough to be bitten off like chaw.
The candy's white outside reminded me of pineapple—I'd love to get my teeth into all their flavors (like Mamba, they also have Cola). Hi-Chews are chewier, heartier, and somehow softer than comparable candy.

Bug Regent FootballBug dove into both flavors like a linebacker into a wideout after the play is over and you think no one is looking. Bug.

Jackie photogJackie preferred the green apple over the grape, finding both kinds subtle, but flavorful, different, and not too sweet. She was able to taste the candy more thoroughly as it became softer with chewing.

Butch Hi-ChewGramps here (Phil 2) tersely summed up the candy as "chewy."

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Disgruntled Thursday

Taste of Madison boothEmpty the trash.
What's that guy in lederhosen doing at a seafood place.
That's way too much information.
You whiteboard all that stuff about happy hour and highballs, then don't serve alcohol.
I hate people who fabricate verbs willy-nilly.
I hate the expression "willy-nilly."
What key lime pie—I don't see any.
Why is the cashier holding all that money. Don't handle all that damn money and then serve me food.
Those pants on that girl in the background are too tight.
Someone threw away a plastic bottle instead of taking three damn steps to toss it in the recycling bin.
What the hell is Libu Coconut Shrimp? Leave the shrimp alone, they already died to feed you, isn't that enough?
My mother keeps calling key lime pie from the Hubbard Avenue Diner "cheesecake."

Monday, September 01, 2008

Munched Out Monday: A Taste of Madison

The Taste of Madison is a great excuse to indulge yourself until you pass out from one thing or another. The asshole quotient is low and they do things like put a free pop stand next to one that costs money.
I had way more free pop than is healthy which is why I'm typing so fast right now and think swimming across Lake Mendota sounds like a really good idea. (It's not.)

Mexican from scratchDo you have any Italians made from scratch?
You heard right, ladies, no more pit hair you could fit with a collar and leash, no more smoking cigars with "the men" at the table while you and the girls clean up the meal it took you 12 hours to prepare and serve.
Yes, order an Italian Made From Scratch today!
Order now and we'll include a Drinking Buddy Made From Scratch: Had it with boozed soaked buddies throwing up on your good linen or household pets while on the line with Hong Kong? Free to the first 100 callers.

Dog in a bike basketAct now and we'll throw in a Dog In A Basket absolutely free! This cuddly canine enjoys food festivals, classic rock, and staying hydrated.

Pot of chocolateThere's chocolate pot? Where? Oh.

Tattoo socksNo time for socks when things are being dipped in chocolate.

Guitar soloFine tunes. This Hendrix solo was outstanding. Some guys from Blue Oyster Cult and Survivor and Pat Travers were there.

ManskirtYeah, I like to let the boys roam free in this little number. What did Hill get yesterday, something like 200 yards and two TDs?

Onion blood signThen things got weird.
What kind of Taste Team is this guy on, anyway?