Two Buck Blech

How bad is this 14 oz bar of chocolate? When I was shooting it (not a bad idea), a young American Bulldog named Bella interrupted her walk to make sure I didn't eat it.
Remember, a dog's sense of smell is a thousand times more sensitive than ours.

Bella, dog on a mission
"Stop rrright therre, maam."

On a positive note, it doesn't smell as bad as it tastes, at least to humans. After Bella knocked me down like a bodyguard taking a bullet, she buried it and helped me come up with a list of things that taste better than $2 Buck Choc.

☠The wrapper it came in
☠Tree bark
☠Yellow snow
☠Brains
☠Bella's leash
☠Mud
☠Grass
☠Carpet
☠Shoes
☠Dirty dog paw
☠Scat
☠Cat
☠TV remote
☠Half eaten tennis ball
☠Cigarette butts
☠Sweater Lint
☠A light-up Frisbee
☠Butter
☠Galvanized rubber
☠List items partially digested in a dog's stomach, regurgitated, then re-eaten

Brains

Jodi, one of the brainiest brains I know, mistook a funnel cake photo for brains in blood. I couldn't sleep until I found brains.
Go ahead, make your silly jokes.

photo by Magicalobizuth

If you guys keep feeding me ~pun~ ideas, I may never review the Two Buck Choc Chuck I picked up on a whim at Walgreens.

photo by Sidhedreams

And what of the bag of black licorice Hot Tamale Jelly Beans sitting in a pile of laundry on the couch. They've already been jumped on by a dog and a third candy, some Moose Munch bars, are getting all cold and eaten. I ate a dark chocolate Moose in the dark so I'm guessing it was chocolate with bits of toffee and nuts and something else crunchy and something else smooth. At least I think it was candy.

photo by Alaskamoni

Need sleep.
I pilfer and post this full of cinnamon Hot Tamales. I wonder how the cinnamon Hot Tamales Jelly Beans are...want...need...brains.

photo by LiketheGrandCanyon's

Good thing the fridge is stocked with Jell-O.
Should organs look so refreshing?

OPP

Speaking of reality.

In case you forgot, this is So Co, our resident guard dog. She likes to greet me with a jump shot kiss.
But this morning's post is for Chrissy. Little Kanook Mama never heard of funnel cake.

photo by Marinee

This is funnel cake. These, are funnel cakes, none of them are my photos. What do you want, I should dig through the snow and find a midway?

photo by jadepearli

You normally don't see that much fruit on carnival food around here.

photo by Mondoglamo

Add a basket of cheese curds and some beer soaked brats and you've got yourself a Wisconsin state flag.

photo by Wobbly85

That's not legal in four states. Guess which ones and win a funnel cake.
Postscript: Jackie sent in this YouTube link on how to make a funnel cake.

La La La La La La La

Look out the window if you must. If it's not the kind of white stuff you had in mind my leetle friend, look through my window.

A word to those who scoff, it's almost St. Paddy's which means just one more blizzard.
If you can't stop your teeth from chattering like a wind-up toy on days like this, welcome to my delusion.

Back to reality

"Hook a dog up with some funnel cake."

Mac and Cheese and Razzles

Handmade by Sue (or possibly Sal) this Valentine's Day
Inside "All I really need is LOVE,
but a little CHOCOLATE now and then doesn't hurt!"

Today's post will be made from the box and eaten straight from the pot.
These are the last two valentines, the scrumptious cupcake entry from someone who works with my cousin Lis, and the final Girl Scouts entry, sealing their win with a chocolate kiss.

Pop Rock Razzles

Did you know Pop Rocks foam up like that when they hit glue?
Pop Rock Razzles is made from Pop Rocks, Razzles, colored sugar, message hearts, assorted jimmies, stickers, and decorative dots. PhotoShop filters were used around the edges.

As for candy, I stocked up because I knew I'd be without wheels for awhile and God forbid I'm not holding.

Not down to emergency candy yet—Pez and Smarties—but I am heavily armed with Lemonheads, two kinds of Kookaburra, Good & Plenty, Starbursts, Mini Cinnamon Teddy Grahams, and Butter Rum LifeSavers. Most importantly I'm armed with a savory selection of weekend radio tunes.
The first love song I heard on Lady P's this morning was "Bone Me Like You Own Me."

So if you're depressed this Saturday, you're not listening to the same music that I am. (WORT started out strong last night with surf guitar and a Cramps tribute.)
Go Wilder Wilder Faster Faster into that good night, Lux.
There you have it, a pre-packaged post and the way to my heart: cheap candy and good music (or good candy and cheap music).
Popa-Oom-Maw-Maw and Happy Valentine's Day, y'all.

Heartless

Quite the contrary, but I like the title. These two are from Nitro Nanci sent as all kinds of goofy-ass word files. Love the black stabby hearts. Remember, the images are clickable to get a better view.


And this mildly threatening entry from Aunt Em followed the only rule of the contest, create a valentine related to candy.
B mine Valentine or else is made from M&Ms, pink construction paper, ink, and PhotoShop filters.


As far as candy not used for valentine making, I'm noshing on heart shaped Junior Mints and black Kookaburra licorice, mostly because as Mel Brooks said, "I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes!"
It's better than smoking.
Read Cybele's review of the Junior Mints if you can't fathom what a heart shaped one tastes like. It's the same thing with a little different texture and a slight crunch around the edges due to its larger size. And they bleed red, which is nice.
A few more valentines to come, but if Teresa is lurking, my top priority is writing about outdoor summer activities for the entire family, honestly it is.
I'm thinking of running a What the Hell Kind of Car Should I Get That I Can Afford and It's Got to be a GM contest. I'd offer my maligned Taurus wagon as a prize, but that got towed away yesterday.
Sniff. Wonder if there's an engine that runs on sugar.

Killing Me Softly

And now for something completely different: photos from the source instead of uploaded from a throw-away-camera swiped from the kids table at Chuck E. Cheese.
I was surprised to hear from Kohler, a Wisconsin company famous for quality sinks and fixtures. It turns out they built a chocolate empire on the back of a turtle

which they call a terrapin. Good thing they didn't send me a box of those.
Or these

or I would surely be dead.

As it is, grazing on a ten-piece box of their hand painted Garden Ganache chocolates pushed the limits of decency.
Good thing I was watching John Adams and wanted to see how it all turned out, those crazy wig heads. I get most of my American history from The Simpsons, so this was almost like I opened a book God forbid.
I like candy with a catchy title, but rich, fancy chocolates with weird fillings are not my thing. I, like my grandmother before me, want my Earl Grey in a mug full of scalding hot water with honey and milk. And I want my passion fruit...I don't really want my passion fruit, isn't that a flower?

The Pear chocolate from the Garden of Ganache was rather all right; I'd give it a 3.5 out of 5, with 5 being a Snickers dunked in hot chocolate on a sunny cold afternoon in the Vilas ice rink shelter.
I could live without the Earl Grey, Chai Tea, and Macadamia, and thought the Asian Spice would be enough as a seasonal treat. The Passion Fruit grew on me with every bite, somehow reminding me of my mother's cheesecake.
I almost passed out when I bit into their Crème Fraîche, adored the Coconut, was giddy from the Hazelnut Coffee, and wouldn't kick the Raspberry out of bed for melting on my good sheets.
Okay, I would, but it's unlikely because the chocolate shell is constructed like a Hummer. The car, I mean the car.
Sit down for this—which is all you'll be able to do besides gurgle and blow spit bubbles if you eat more than one or two a day—peering over glasses...150 Calories and 10g of Fat for one, yes one piece of chocolate.

What do you expect when "heavy cream" is the first ingredient listed?
If you're interested, the six-piece box has all the best flavors, Crème Fraîche, Coconut, Hazelnut Coffee, Raspberry, plus Pear and Passion Fruit.
Excuse me while I run around the block six times—ooh, they're showing clips from something called Mad City Chickens, now I'm hungry for KFC. Sometimes quality is wasted on me.

Photos Copyright © Kohler Co. Used by permission

Icicle Pop Champagne

A Popsicle shaped candy seemed appropriate to celebrate the upcoming thaw, and at least one of the two Icicle Pop flavors I tried were good enough to suck. Strawberry was MIA from wherever I found these, probably at Walgreen's or some hardware store as the cleaning binge continues.

The Sour Blue Raspberry rocks, although the sour taste wears off quickly, but that's a good thing. At times it seemed almost too sweet, but ultimately skirted rather than crossed the thin white line.
The color is great, looking even icier blue in the light. Icicle Pops are easy to crunch and the Sour Blue doesn't leave your tongue too blue. Can your tongue ever be too blue?
The Blue Raspberry broke in half before I could open the package, making it easier for hands free sucking. They're harder to break than a twin Popsicle, but will easily crack in half on a hard surface.
The Creamy Orange is tarter than the Sour Blue Raspberry, but still tastes like an orange Creamsicle.
I'd stick with the Blue Raspberry and look out for the Strawberry, but the Creamy Orange does remind me of an old drink recipe made with orange juice, vodka, Curaçao or triple sec, and cream. You can toss in other liquors of your choice. Do not drink this while, before, or after eating candy. Trust me.

On the candy valentine front, Let's Kiss Smartie (pictured above) was made from Smarties, edible glitter, a candy message heart, stencil, and one peanut M&M. The collaborative effort belongs to our youngest contestant and features stars, shamrocks, stickers, marker, crayon, candy wrappers, ribbon, and construction paper. (With a little PhotoShop on the side.)
If you're looking for a movie out on disc, the best of the best of a long list of recently seen movies include the Tin Man miniseries, RocknRolla, and Miss Pettigrew. The Savages and The Secret Life of Bees are good too. Recount forced bad memories of the Bush reign of idiocy and gave me a headache. It's certainly worth seeing, but clear the area of breakable objects.

Oh My

Those dirty birds almost gave me an episode.
We here at The Dish can hardly speak after screaming at Unky Ray's giant TV for three hours. We are physically and emotionally washed out.
Even without my beloved Alan Fanny whom I believe to be another victim of Brett Favre's midlife crisis, our boys prevailed.
Hot holy pickled sweet dills, that, boys and girls, was a GAME. I hope all the lovely people of Las Vegas, Nevada will recover soon.

And while some of us are preparing to go to traffic court in Wauwatosa, my daughter Margaret and her Girl Scouts have put together some lovely valentines for the candy contest.
Here is one of my favorites, Arrows

Made from candy message hearts, red sugar, green M&Ms, jimmies, edible glitter, yarn, stickers, stars, and candle wax, with crayon, pen, a stencil, construction paper, and found art, this lovely entry is a front runner. (A few PhotoShop filters were used in post production.)
Thank you, Girl Scouts, we will post your other entries soon.